you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
