i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
