writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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