im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
