You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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