I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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