he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
