i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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