I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im part way to drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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