my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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