hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
