and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize