Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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