As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
