So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
