bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize