Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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