Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
