She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They took my balls.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
