No stitches, just platelets and will power
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
