she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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