i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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