You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
