talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
