So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
