I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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