so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
