I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So much rum. So many feels.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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