Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize