Already got asked if we're dating
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
