1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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