I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
