I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
