I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
