shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had sex on a roof
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
