I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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