He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize