I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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