If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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