I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
