i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
