You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm at about main and main street
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
