i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
