Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I understand Curling. That high.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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