I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
