You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
