Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
