Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
