They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
