She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
