she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
