I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
