If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize