I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the liver wants what the liver wants
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
