I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
