She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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