Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
