My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
