I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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