Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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