too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
