I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
