She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
