i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
