I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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