did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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