Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
