His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
