Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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