I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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