...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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