I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
two words...techno handjob
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
