I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
