is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
